Have you had difficulty sharing your concerns with an employee that may have a “bad attitude”? Despite outstanding performance—think of a top sales producer who consistently exceeds performance expectations but has a hard time getting along with others or “making nice” with team members that report to them—their conduct or behavior holds them back from reaching their full potential or helping the team thrive.
Our natural reaction as managers is to avoid the issue. The path of least resistance is avoidance, and leaders often look the other way, sweep things under the proverbial rug, or hope the matter fixes itself on its own. If push comes to shove, the excuse, “That’s just the way he is—He’s like that with everyone, so don’t take it personally” becomes the convenient go-to explanation of a critical matter that a manager simply hesitates to address.
The key to holding tough conversations with employees and holding them accountable for both their performance and conduct lies in making it easier for managers to open the conversation in the first place. If they’re more comfortable in the first two-minute opening of the discussion and can actually see themselves as the good guy by sharing their concerns in a spirit of constructive feedback and career and professional development, then delivering the message becomes all the easier. That was the focus of my bestselling book, “101 Tough Conversations to Have with Employees: A Manager’s Guide to Addressing Performance, Conduct, and Discipline Challenges” (HarperCollins Leadership, 2nd edition, 2019). https://bit.ly/43yUNXd Following are some important takeaways from the book that could help your senior executive and frontline operational leaders hold conversations that may be long overdue.
Here's how it works: If you could position yourself as a coach and mentor and offer career guidance and advice, it would be much easier to address problematic conduct that could potentially hold the employee back over their career. Similarly, if you could make someone more receptive to the content of your message without feeling judged or defensive, you could share your thoughts more openly and in a more selfless way. The performance-conduct circle allows you to do both.
Sometimes the easiest lessons in life can be explained on the back of a napkin or the back of an envelope. The Performance-Conduct Circle is a simple tool that people can hold in their imagination and understanding. It creates a picture of where they are now versus where they may wish to be in the future. Most important, the pictorial makes it easier for you—the manager—to share your thoughts and concerns in a positive and constructive way where improvement is in the employee’s best interests. In other words, change can happen because the employee wants to make it happen, not because they have to make it happen.
Let’s take a look at how this simple tool can work with a common example you’ve probably experienced yourself: a top sales producer who finds it difficult to get along with other members of the team. Listen to how this conversation opener rolls into a full-fledged discussion about the individual’s current contribution and future career needs. Place yourself on the receiving end of this message and determine how you’d respond if your boss were having this type of discussion with you. Chances are, if you’re comfortable receiving a message like this, you’ll be much more comfortable giving it. Better yet, when done right, it can cement your reputation as an excellent communicator and coach who builds strong talent and can become someone’s favorite boss and most inspirational mentor.
The Setting
Your employee, David, is an outstanding sales producer who likely lacks awareness of how he comes across to others. He’s a bit of a “bull in a China closet” who’s missing the gene for otherness, empathy, and self-regulation. He either doesn’t realize that he lacks people skills, doesn’t care, or worse, behaves in ways to purposely intimidate others. Your approach is smooth, focused, and definitive. You have no intent to judge, denigrate, or otherwise discourage him. But your expectations regarding his commitment to becoming a stronger team player remain clear. Here’s how the conversation might open using the Performance-Conduct Circle tool. . .
The Performance-Conduct Circle: An Opener to Addressing an “Attitude Problem”
“David, I wanted to meet with you privately to discuss something that I think is important both for you and for the benefit of our team as a whole. You know, they say the most important decisions about your career will be made when you’re not in the room. That’s the same for you as it is for me and for everyone else. There’s something that might be missing awareness that could potentially hold you back over the long term, and I’d like to discuss that with you if you’ll allow me.
“In other words, I want to address something that can influence what’s being said about you in that proverbial room at some point in the future while you’re not there to defend yourself. Do I have your permission to continue? [Yes]
“Great. I’m going to draw a circle on this piece of paper, and I’d like you to follow what I’m about to write. Here—You can see it’s a simple circle with the word “Performance” on top and the word “Conduct” below. If you prefer, we can replace “Conduct” with “Behavior,” but I want to discuss my perception of how you’re doing in both halves of the circle. Does that make sense? [Yes]
A Simple Tool for Teaching Workplace Wisdom: The Appeal to Career and Professional Development
“Right now, you’re doing outstanding work in terms of your job performance in the top half of the circle, which is great. I want to commend you on being one of our top billers month after month and quarter after quarter. That’s critical to our branch’s performance, and you’re a key reason for our success. I want to encourage you to keep performing at the top of your game and will continue to support you in any way I can.
“But that only counts for half of your overall contribution to our company or any other. You’re equally responsible for what I’d call your conduct or behavior in the bottom half of the circle—in other words, how you’re coming across to others, your reputation for building up those around you, and for serving as a role model in the leadership and communication space.
“That’s where you may be falling short—and that’s what could hold you back potentially over the longer trajectory of your career. If I had to give you a performance review right now, I’d say you’re only partially meeting expectations, despite the outstanding work you’re doing in the top half of the circle. That’s because you’re not delivering what I’d expect in the bottom half of the circle, and no matter how strong you are in the top, it only accounts for fifty percent of your contribution to our firm or any other. Does that make sense? [I guess so.]
“That’s why I wanted to meet with you now. . . So that we could fix this before the annual performance review comes along. And putting that aside, I want to address this now so that it never holds you back when others are discussing your eligibility for a sales director, VP, or senior VP role. Remember, even if your ultimate goal is to remain a solo sales producer working directly with clients, that may change over time. And you may want to move into executive management, so addressing this now helps set you up for long-term success by giving you additional options.
“Okay, so let’s discuss what I’m seeing. First, I’m not saying this to offend or judge you or otherwise hurt your feelings, but your peers tend to avoid you and cut a wide swath around you, using words like confrontational, aggressive, and condescending to describe you at times. I’ve even heard the word toxic. Does it surprise you to hear that? [No, but I do all the work around here, and they’re being overly sensitive. I don’t have time to babysit these people. . .]
“Wait. There’s no need to defend yourself right now—we’re just talking. There’s no judgment here. No one’s in trouble over anything. But it’s important that we discuss this together to see what, if anything, you might want to do to improve this perception problem that exists—and how I can help you get there and what my expectations are.
“I’d like to be the person to help you with this—a career mentor and coach who supports you in the background while you make your way through this. I’d like to see you fix this now so that it never holds you back in your career in the future.
“I want people to say, ‘I know David’s a top performer, and he’s a great teambuilder’ as opposed to ‘I know David’s a top performer, but he has difficulty working with peers and garnering other people’s trust.’ Do you hear the difference in terms of what your reputation or your ‘personal brand’ might be?” [Yes]
“Finally, David, assuming you agree with at least some of what I’m saying, I’d like you to think about this challenge this way: If you could become as strong in the bottom half of this circle as you are in the top, your career will skyrocket. Your natural sales abilities, your relationship-building skills with clients, and your pure drive to succeed and your career ambition will take you far. But if you fail to address your relationship with your team now at this point in your career—while I’m making it safe for you to do so right here and right now—it could potentially hold you back without your even knowing it.
“What are your thoughts?”
Expect this open-ended invitation to discuss your perceptions to be challenged—at least to some degree—at this point. That’s only natural, especially if the person argues, “I’m the only person around here who’s totally committed, who gets the results you’re looking for while everyone else lollygags and wastes time. . .”
To an extent, this may be partially true. But gently guiding David away from “always” and “never” constructs in his discussion with you is healthy at this point:
“David, I’d first caution you about using the words always and never in your responses when referring to your peers. Those words may make you feel better in justifying yourself, but they’re exaggerations and are rarely true. Also, I didn’t call this meeting to invite you to complain about your peers being overly sensitive or under committed to their roles and responsibilities. This meeting is for you and your career and professional development. It’s meant to focus on a perception problem that exists that could potentially hold you back in your career if not addressed now. That being said, I have to hold you fully accountable for your own perception management, just like I do myself and everyone else on the team. Can you see where I’m coming from?” [Yes, but I don’t fully agree with your assessment here.]
Renewed Expectations and a New Way Forward
“That’s fair enough. I can respect that. But having conversations like these with my employees is a critical part of my role at this company and something I take very seriously. I’m sincere when I tell you that I’ll have your back through this. I’ll make it safe for you to fix this here and now so that it never holds you back in your career. I’d like to think that this could be one of the most important career discussions with one of your managers that you’ll ever have. But it will only work to the degree that you’re willing to assume partial responsibility for the perception problem that exists.
“I want you to be recognized as a top sales producer and an exceptional people leader, someone who can turn around underperforming teams and pass wisdom and skills along to others that are following in your footsteps. I want people to seek you out (rather than avoid you) when it comes to learning how you’ve mastered your trade and excelled in your craft. I want you to be that “David and” person that we discussed and not the “David but” version of yourself. I want you to become the person that everyone wants to work with. But I can only do that if you’ll allow me to.
“Whether you’d like me to serve as a coach and mentor through this is up to you, and I’ll respect your decision either way. But my expectations will remain the same nevertheless: You’ll need to contribute more to fostering greater teamwork and camaraderie, you’ll need to build up those around you and strengthen their sense of self-confidence, and you’ll have to practice role-model leadership or else I’ll have to question your ultimate suitability for our team. Does that make sense? [Yes] Okay, so what might that look like?”
From there, and depending on David’s initial reaction, you can discuss creating a quarterly or annual goal that focuses on teambuilding. You can agree to meet together weekly to discuss what you’re hearing as his manager or what he’s experiencing as he gives thought to reinventing himself behavior-wise. Or he may need time to sleep on it and get back to you in a few days. However, even if he staunchly refuses to acknowledge your “perception” of his ongoing interrelationship issues with his peers, you’ll have established an important milestone in your working relationship by resetting expectations clearly and holding David accountable for his conduct moving forward.
Note that at no time did the manager refer to David as having an “attitude problem” or needing an “attitude adjustment.” The word “attitude” is a fighting word, and accusing someone of having at attitude problem typically only begets anger and defensiveness. Therefore, it’s best to remove “attitude” from your vocabulary when speaking with employees. And never discipline an employee in writing for having a “bad attitude,” as courts have dismissed such documentation as mere differences in style.
No, these discussions are never easy. But opening them with an eye toward the individual’s career and professional development squares nicely with Gen Y and Gen Z priorities about the workplace and the work experience. Further, leaving such topics unsaid is unfair to your employee. Read that: You wouldn’t be doing David a service as his manager if you didn’t address the 800-pound gorilla in the room, namely, his difficulty working with others. Your team deserves better. You deserve better. And believe it or not, your employee David deserves better as well.
As the saying goes, “Make of your life a gift.” Leadership is the greatest gift that the workplace offers because it allows you to touch other’s lives and build their careers. Be that gift to others. Pay things forward in a respectful way that helps people build their level of self-awareness and self-confidence. That’s a gift that far exceeds the value of anyone’s paycheck. It will help you build stronger teams and individual bonds and ultimately become someone’s favorite boss and coach. And that’s the point of it all. That’s what we’re meant to do throughout our careers. That’s the value we bring in building stronger teams and growing more leaders in turn. And it all stems from genuine caring and selflessness.
The Flipside: When Conduct is Great but Performance Lags
The circle works in reverse as well. Let’s say you have someone who exemplifies almost perfect conduct—is fun to work with, bakes brownies for Monday morning “welcome back to work” gatherings, and basically bleeds company blood. Sounds like the model employee, right? Well, yes, unless you factor in the issue that the individual isn’t performing his job well. Excessive errors, failure to take notes and learn from past mistakes, and constantly asking repetitive questions may make those Monday morning brownies feel less significant because the employee is driving you crazy!
A simple conversation using the Performance-Conduct Circle may sound like this:
“David, I wanted to meet with you privately to discuss something that I think is important both for you and for the benefit of our team as a whole. You know, they say that the most important decisions about your career will be made when you’re not in the room. That’s the same for you as it is for me and for everyone else. There’s something that might be missing awareness that could potentially hold you back over the long term, and I’d like to discuss that with you if you’ll allow me. [Sure.]
“I’m going to draw a circle on this piece of paper, and I’d like you to follow what I’m about to write. Here—You can see it’s a simple circle with the word “Performance” on top and the word “Conduct” below. If you prefer, you can replace “Conduct” with “Behavior,” but I want to discuss my perception of how you’re doing in both halves of the circle. Does that make sense? [Yes]
“Right now, you’re doing outstanding work in terms of your conduct or behavior in the bottom half of the circle, which is great. I want to commend you on being so positive to work with, so much fun to be around, and someone who really lives our organization’s values. That’s critical to our team’s performance, and you’re a key reason for our success.
“But can you guess why I’m calling this meeting looking at the circle?” [Yes, I’m guessing it has to do with the top half of the circle or my performance.]
“That’s correct. Your behavior and your conduct only count for half of your overall contribution to our company or any other. You’re equally responsible for what I’d call your performance and productivity in the top half of the circle—in other words, how you’re mastering your work, retaining what you’ve learned, and avoiding questions that I’ve already answered. Can you see where that might be a challenge for me?”
From there, you can continue the discussion to address career and professional development benefits of improving specific aspects of David’s performance along with your expectations. As with our previous case, you’ll have made an important verbal record of some of the problems that David is experiencing along with your expectations moving forward. Should the matter need to escalate to some form of written disciplinary intervention, you can refer to the date of this meeting and the expectations that you clarified that were later violated, justifying the need to document the disciplinary warning.
An Alternative Twist: The Transition from "Individual Contributor" to "Manager"
The circle concept also works well when preparing an individual contributor for promotion and moving into a first-time leadership role. In such cases, you would replace the words “Performance” and “Conduct” with “Individual Contributor” and “Director/Manager/Supervisor” (or whatever term fits best in the bottom of the circle).
Your conversation might sound like the following:
“David, there’s an expression that What got you here won’t get you there, and it applies perfectly to anyone transitioning from an individual contributor to a manager role. It’s not always easy making the transition, and people have sometimes felt guilty for being promoted or otherwise being in charge of others who were recently their peers. That’s understandable, and that’s where this circle might help.
“Let’s discuss what you feel made you so successful in the top half of the circle—“Individual Contributor”—and that warranted our promoting you. Don’t be shy here: tell me what you really excelled at as an individual contributor and what made you stand out among your peers.” [Employee dialog begins here.]
“Next, let’s discuss what you think will make you successful in a leadership role and manager of people. Hint: it’s not necessarily the same things that made you successful as an individual contributor.” (The employee can then go on to explain what he believes will make him successful in his new role.)
As a next step, you can question further, “Where will the rub be? In other words, what might have worked well as individual contributor that could actually hold you back as a manager?” You can expect the employee to respond with insights that include:
· "Micromanaging my people by trying to control everything they do.
· "Maintaining a fierce need of control over their work rather than giving them room to find their own paths to success.
· "Giving up a sense of knowing everything that’s going on in my area at all times, which I enjoyed as an individual contributor but that I’ll need to give up when managing four people."
And voila—David is now giving you the answers that you simply could have “told” him to do in a more top-down way. (That’s the essence of internal coaching—asking questions to help your employees come to their own wisdom rather than simply telling them what to do.) Using the simple juxtaposition of “individual contributor” versus “manager” goes a long way in helping the newly minted supervisor understand the differences in their prior and current roles. The beauty of the discussion is that employees will give you the right answers (just like you would have instructed them) 90% of the time. And when they’re off a bit in their initial responses (say, 10% of the time), you can ask qualifying questions to get them to see things more clearly from your vantage point.
You likewise have an opportunity at that point to share your own experiences transitioning from an individual contribution into management. You can set your expectations for how David should lead effectively, when he should escalate matters to you, and what the “employee experience” under his leadership should look and feel like. And a simple circle, split in half, serves as a tool to differentiate between opposite or opposing viewpoints to help you clarify expectations before moving David into the managerial role.
The circle, it turns out, helps you share wisdom, helps recipients see clear differences in expectations, and pulls together somewhat opposing insights to gain mutual understanding and agreement. Added to any leader’s toolbox, this simple pictogram can help you address even the most uncomfortable situations that the workplace can conjure up. Use the tool wisely, let it help you “move the needle” in terms of employee self-awareness and productivity, and share wisdom simply and transparently in others’ best interests and for the benefit of your team.
Again, for more information on workplace wisdom, holding tough conversations and constructive confrontation, and on building employee accountability, see my bestselling book, “101 Tough Conversations to Have with Employees: A Manager’s Guide to Addressing Performance, Conduct, and Discipline Challenges” (HarperCollins Leadership, 2nd edition, 2019). https://bit.ly/43yUNXd
_____________________________
For more information on Paul's books, please visit his #HarperCollinsLeadership author page at https://www.harpercollinsleadership.com/catalog/paul-falcone/ or Amazon author page at amazon.com/author/paulfalcone.
PaulFalconeHR.com Consulting Services
Management & Leadership Training | (Certified) Executive Coach |
International Keynote Speaking | HR Advisory Services |
Corporate Offsite Retreat Facilitation | Expert Witness Testimony |
Comments